hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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