you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want to make out with him forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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