I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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