When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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