I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize