When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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