its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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