mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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