Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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