I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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