TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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