i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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