he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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