If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize