I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize