my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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