Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
someone owes me an orgasm
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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