but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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