Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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