Kiss
Puke
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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