You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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