I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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