so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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