at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize