Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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