As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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