this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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