Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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