So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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