I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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