i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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