had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize