Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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