I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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