my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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