So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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