Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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