What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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