I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize