i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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