So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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