just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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