is your mom at the bar?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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