also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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