problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think i have herpe
just one?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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