I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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