Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
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would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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