If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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