I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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