All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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